For two weeks I haven’t posted any new blog posts and I wasn’t active on social media. Which lead to some of you wondering, “what’s going on?” or “what have you been up to?”. I’m back and here to fill you in!
I suffer from extreme stress and anxiety. I’ve always been a bit of a stress case in my high school years, but it really peaked when I was 18-19 years old. There’s been periods of time when my anxiety was at bay, but then certain life events would trigger it back. Well this year has been the absolute worse. I talked about my miscarriage on the blog and there’s been other personal things that has happened that brought on this anxiety like no other.
Anxiety is such a B****
Now try to bear with me while I attempt to make this post comprehensible and not all over the place. My miscarriage has weighed very heavy on my mind. The due date would’ve been January 1st, 2016. Although I still feel like we weren’t ready for another child, that still doesn’t diminish the feelings I had/would have had for the baby. So with the holidays creeping up on us, I can’t help but think about it even more. Like I said above, there are other personal things that have happened that I won’t share, but these things combined are making me a hot freakin’ mess…and I say hot because I literally break out into sweat. Not a pretty site I assure you.
Anxiety can have major physical and emotional symptoms and unfortunately, I let them take over. There’s an intense pressure on my chest along with pain throughout my body. My headaches have turned into migraines, and not a single pill I’ve taken has helped ease the pains. It’s been very difficult for me to sit down and focus on just about anything. My mind is constantly racing from subject to subject in a matter of seconds. So many nights I broke down because I couldn’t handle all the physical and emotional pain I was in. Normally meditation has been the solution, but I can’t even shut my mind off for that.
I wish I could say that I’ve found a way to deal with my anxiety and that I’m in a better place now, but the reality is that I’m not and these things take time. This isn’t a two-week fix and it’s something I’m going to live with for the rest of my life, but I need to find ways to help me cope with it instead of drowning in it. If there are any of you out there that suffer from this, I just want you to know that you are most definitely not alone.
I feel ya!
What does this mean for my blog? Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere! This is something I truly love doing and somewhat therapeutic (as long as I can focus). If I do decide to take a little break from time to time, I won’t be silent and give more of a heads up next time.ANXIETY IS A B****, AND SHE ISN'T WELCOME ANYMORE! Click To Tweet
So what we’ve been up to hasn’t been glamorous in any way and certainly doesn’t make for entertaining blog content, but this is my life and life isn’t always fabulous like a pair of stilettos. 😉
Hope you are all having a good weekend!